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08 March 2010 @ 11:22 pm
I really should use this more often. I don't know; I associate LiveJournal with people-who-are-better-than-me.
It's a silly notion, but so much goes on that I realize I'm not aware of and not doing and not noticing and it's... confusing? I don't know how to explain what I'm trying to say, haha.

School is pretty busy; there's a lot of work and I know that I'm way above each year's level.
But they're against forward testing and the like, because of their credit system.
That, and my hair's staring to bother them again? Bangs, big fucking shit.

I'd like to expand my vocabulary and be better at Pokémon battling and do something useful to occupy my time and get better at Japanese but I never know how to prioritize. I end up doing nothing more than I end up doing anything, and it really worries me.
This isn't exactly what I had in mind for myself when I got to this point, and I don't know what to do.

I'm really nervous about what's going to happen from here on out; I don't know what to expect from myself. I'm not sure what I want to do or what I need to do or what I'm supposed to do to be genuinely happy, or something.

In other news, I seem to be fucking up a lot of friendships. I should apologize to the people I feel that I've hurt, but...
Most of the issues are over things I haven't done? There's a lot of misunderstanding. I don't know what to take credit for.
I really do seem to be doing a lot of things poorly. I don't want to become a hikikomori from my -actual- friends, even if they are just words on a screen most of the time.

o_o; it's remarkable how much I don't know, isn't it? Ah, I'm not sure what else to say...

Current Mood: anxiousanxious
Current Music: Tetris -- Plastic Tree